Pastoring and piracy

“Are you an attorney?” That was the question posed to me earlier this morning as I write this. I am currently in a suit and tie, not in a church behind the pulpit, but in court, giving moral support to some folks trying to get a few matters settled. I can understand the question; it seems that not many people dress up for court anymore.

A few days ago, though, the question was very different: “Where did you get the pirate outfit?” And it really was an impressive costume; as I threw in a few “arrghhs” and “ayyyyes,” I do believe I could have fit right in on the Queen Anne’s Revenge. That was in our family vacation Bible school, by the way, a really unique way of doing VBS that gets everyone in church, from the youngest to the oldest, thoroughly involved.

I have not just been an attorney and pirate recently, though. I have also been (literally) a lifeguard for late-night swimming, helping to keep kids safe and get them home to their parents, a bus driver getting our portion of those kids to and from Junior Bible camp, and one of the two main speakers at that junior camp.

I have also been an evangelist, traveling to Powder Springs, Georgia, to preach in a Jubilee. And at my own church, I have been pastor, Sunday school teacher, marriage counselor, grief counselor and plumber.

All in 10 days’ time.

I do not just wear many hats; I wear many hats, pants, shirts, suits, ties, breeches, patches, boots, shoes, weapons and tool belts.

And I take a lot of Tylenol.

I remember sitting in a classroom many years ago and hearing a professor say, “You better be ready to do the hard work necessary to produce two or three good messages a week!” I do not remember him or anyone else telling me I also needed to be prepared to stop leaks, go to court, drive a bus, save drowning kids and sail a pirate ship.

It’s a pretty good life, really. But it requires this weird ability to completely change personas as the need requires. One has to be able to be silly, studious, and as serious as a blood clot, often all within the same hour of time.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” As uncomfortable a notion as it may be to young men fresh out of seminary who believe that they are called merely to an ivory tower and a pearl pulpit, the needs of people often require a pastor to be a very common, relatable, and even laughable kind of person.

Jesus preached the Sermon on the Mount to multitudes – and he also provided and fed people their lunch.

Jesus stood before a king, the governor and the high priest – and he also took little children up into his arms.

Jesus expounded the Old Testament – and he also told stories.

Jesus was worshiped as the Messiah and the Son of God – and also washed feet.

Jesus thundered in the temple – and he also cried with Mary and Martha at the grave of Lazarus.

Jesus made sure that the disciples were taught proper doctrine – and he also made sure their fishing nets stayed full when needed.

Jesus was and is the door to heaven – and he also built doors as a carpenter on earth.

Jesus was transfigured on the Mount, showing his glory and power – and he was humiliated on the cross, showing his sacrifice for all mankind.

That all seems like a pretty good pattern for every preacher. I suppose we could put it this way: ivory towers and pearl pulpits are fine, as long as they are part of a balanced diet that may also include piracy and plumbing and personal assistance.