‘Tis the New Season

DUBLIN– After 17 years, Christmas is not just about the presents under the tree, but also a time to rejoice over the true gift of family and time to reflect on all that has changed.

This year’s Christmas should go down in the records I can never keep up with, for it’s my last one before I officially enter adulthood. I almost wish there was a time capsule to put this Christmas in and to savor later.

And… I suppose this feeling is not much different from the one a parent feels as they take pictures of their children around the Christmas tree.

The picture does an excellent job at showing how Jane’s blonde hair has gotten darker and Billy’s front teeth have come in since the prior Christmas. While more hazy, the picture will capture how Jane asked for makeup for herself this Christmas, not for the doll she once wished for. Or how Billy stopped sending letters to Santa, and instead, started to answered the letters he received from children come to life.

However, the picture will never capture the underlying feelings, experiences and desires behind these changes.

I resonate with the older versions of Billy and Jane, and I hope my words can do a better job at capturing the feelings of this Christmas than the disposable cameras my parents refused to leave behind in the 90s.

The plans that I’ve made for this Christmas seem perfect to the brain I’m carrying right now. However, my wants and plans for this Christmas compared to the ones I used to make as a child would make even the FBI question whether we were talking about the same person.

Where once I was excited for barbie dolls under the Christmas tree, I now can’t wait to have my own copies of the classics of literature, with analyses from scholars, to read and prepare before I go to college in August.

I still remember how my parents would have to drag me away from the unlimited cartoons I would watch at my grandma’s house next door… when I took full advantage of having no bedtime.

Now that house is decomposing along with my grandma’s body, and I wish I had a bedtime everyone still respected.

In other words, the child version of me would be repulsed by the eagerness of the meals I’ll have more time to cook in the evenings and the peace of mind I’ll now have in between the sets of my workouts in the gym.

And we must remember that it’s not only the ones in the pictures that change, but the ones behind the camera as well.

I’m 17 now and the youngest of my siblings, but my parents have been creating Christmas magic for much longer than that. It’s been 32 years for them, ever since my older sister was born, to be more accurate.

I stayed strong in convincing my brother to help my father bring down the containers from the attic to set up the Christmas tree this year, after not decorating at all the prior year and I’m not going to lie, that felt kind of good.

While the lack of a Christmas tree and lights didn’t take away from the feeling of Christmas once my family all got together; it did make me realize that it’s my brother’s and my turn to make things burn bright. Still and all without having to pay for the electric bill.

This Christmas will also be the last one before a close friend of mine goes off into the military.

Therefore, when the gift exchange happened on his last day of school and he told me a date that will always be more than just numbers to me, I finally understood what the child version of me could never fathom.

When I knew my younger self would take any materialistic thing given to me, I asked for the valuing of each precious moment; that price tag is without a dollar sign.

So, this year’s Christmas will look different from the ones where I was a child.

I won’t be waking up early on Christmas morning to run to the tree to see what Santa has brought me. Instead, I’ll sleep in, and walk to the tree just to appreciate the lights I was always too busy opening presents to admire. But having decorated it, I now have skin in the game. I think that the things you invest in will never cease to be special or taken for granted.

The steps I used to take to find the elf on the shelf will now be the steps I take outside in this exceptionally cold December, as I deliberate on my next best decision I could make going into the impending adulthood years.

Furthermore, this year won’t be about the presents, but about the parents who are aging and the friends who are splitting in their own paths.

This Christmas is for one last memory to be made, one last chapter to be written and one more picture to be taken.