Something that strikes me as amusing is how romanticized the holiday season is during the other two-thirds of the year.

We cross days off our calendars, share holiday memes and countdown posts, and are genuinely excited to spend time with our loved ones.

I think the true holiday bliss delusion really sets in during summer. Something about the heat exhaustion really makes us nostalgic for the most wonderful time of the year. That is, of course, until November begins and all of the planning starts.

Who is hosting Thanksgiving dinner? What about Christmas? How many people are coming, and where are they all going to sleep? How long are they going to stay?

The realization that we will be spending an extended amount of time with our families can lead to anxiety and stress, especially if your family is as prone to drama as mine.

It seems like November and December were created specifically for families to air their grievances from the previous 10 months. Perhaps it comes with the approach of a new year and everyone being interested in and focusing on resolutions and a fresh start. Whatever the reason, spending extended amounts of time with family during the holidays can take a serious toll on our mental health because of all the conflict that tends to come with it.

One of the things that can lead to disagreements is criticism. We all have those relatives who can’t seem to refrain from making remarks about how you look or how your children behave. They insist on asking why you missed the family reunion, why you’re not in a relationship, or when you’re going to settle down and start a family. The comments and questions may differ from person to person, but you get the picture.

Although they say they mean well, family is nosey! Constant inquiries about our personal lives, especially from people we may not talk to very often outside of the holiday season, can definitely come across as critical and can lead to conflict. This holiday season, just be mindful of what you say and how it can come across. We tend to be more comfortable and authentic around our families, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be considerate of how our words make them feel.

There’s an old saying that the things you should never talk about at a party are politics, religion, and money. That makes sense, especially in today’s political climate and particularly if you know that the political and religious views vary in your family. I’m not the kind of person that thinks discussing politics should be avoided. I believe the exchange of ideas and perspectives only serves to help people understand one another better and learn how to cooperate. After all, we can’t find common ground if we refuse to talk to each other about serious and difficult topics. If a peaceful and tranquil family gathering is your goal, avoid intentionally making political or religious statements that you know will be divisive and start arguments. As I said before, you know your family and how they react to things, so a little consideration goes a long way.

I would be remiss if I didn’t give some advice to older generations about how to avoid conflict with the older teens/young adults of your family. Allow them to contribute to the adult conversations now that they’re older; don’t just write them off as naive. Learning how to be comfortable acting like an adult around your family can be confusing and kind of scary because it’s not always clear which rules and expectations have altered or remain unchanged. Young adults between the ages of 18 and 22 (essentially, college-age) have more freedom and independence than ever before, and coming home for the holidays can make them feel resentful because they feel they’re still being treated like a child. No parent wants to accept that their babies are grown, but a beautiful friendship can be cultivated with adult children once they no longer require parental authority or discipline.

If your family starts to bicker, remember that a good way to avoid escalation is to listen to the things they have to say and keep an open mind. Communication is key. No family will consist of people who share the exact same opinions, but it’s important to consider the feelings and beliefs of the people closest to you. At the very least, keep your cool in the moment and agree to disagree until a more suitable, less emotionally charged time when a better discussion can be had.